


death doesn't discriminate (between the sinners and the saints)

by Underthegallowws



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, Don't read, Liam is depressed, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, This is really sad, have I said there are major characters deaths ?, like seriously don't read this if you already feel sad, lydia is losing her mind, stiles isn't himself anymore, theo is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26410906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underthegallowws/pseuds/Underthegallowws
Summary: After Scott dies, Theo becomes Liam's safe harbor.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	death doesn't discriminate (between the sinners and the saints)

It doesn’t feel right.

But then, how could it ? 

Liam is woken up by his mobile phone ringing, and ringing. He is used to it by now. He sighs, and tries to check the caller’s ID. The light is bright, way too bright for his sleepy eyes, and he squints at the screen.

Derek. Why would Derek call him ?

“Yeah ?” He says, taking the call, while rubbing his eyes.

“... Liam ?”

Derek’s voice sounds heavy, and way too controlled. Liam feels himself waking up all at once. He knows the Hale werewolf by now, and a call from him in the middle of the night probably means nothing good.

“Yeah. That’s me. What’s the deal ?”

Derek doesn’t answer right away. Not to him at least. Liam hears him whispering “Did you get Stiles ?” and Chris answers “Not yet.”

“Derek ?” Liam asks, feeling the angst slowly creeping up on him. “What is happening ?”

He can hear a ragged breath on the other side of the line. A breath he will probably remember forever, because, even with everything he had faced before that exact moment, Liam was still a child. These words, these three small words, are going to change the way he sees the world, probably forever.

“Scott is dead.”

* * *

It doesn’t feel right. 

Scott is the one Liam never feared for. After all, he was the true Alpha, and he had faced so many foes that everyone almost considered him indestructible. He was their leader, a beacon of light in the dark times they had to live through. Scott was not supposed to die, and even less, in a small city in North Carolina. Scott deserved better. Scott…

Scott was Liam’s alpha, but also his friend. He was his mentor, and the one he would follow to Hell if needed. The idea that Scott, his Scott, their Scott, is not there anymore, is just impossible to accept. So, Liam doesn’t really take in the news. Derek gives him some information, but Liam doesn’t try to memorize any of it. Just like he doesn’t even try to accept the fact that Scott is dead. 

Dead.

No, that’s impossible. Derek is probably wrong. Scott might be hurt, but he will come back. He always does. Scott can’t die, because… Because Scott is not supposed to. 

“Derek…” Liam pleads. “Derek, did you try…”

“He is dead Liam. I am sorry. He had been dead for hours when we found him.”

“How… How…”

He can feel a lump in his throat, and he tries to contain himself. The wolf in him is starting to roar, and he tries to find the link, that one small piece of Scott that is always with him. He had never asked himself if it was because they were pack, or because he was Scott’s beta. He closes his eyes, Derek is still on the line. He tries to think about his alpha, about their relationship, which is usually enough for him to find it.

The link. The link is not there anymore, just like a light suddenly switched off. It’s like taking a full-blown hit in the stomach. Liam gasps.

“He is gone.” He whispers on the phone. “Derek… Scott is gone.”

He can hear the other werewolf sigh on the other side of the line. 

“Yeah. He is gone.”

* * *

  
  


They bring the body back to Beacon Hills, which makes sense. Liam doesn’t even have time to start to comprehend the loss he is experiencing, before he is already on strict orders to get to Melissa. He knows he has to put on clothes, but he stays in front of his dressing way too long. Aren’t mourning people supposed to wear black ? He doesn’t own a lot of black. He never went to any funeral, ever. Is he supposed to be mourning ? What is he supposed to feel ?

There is a sharp knock on his window, and he almost gets a heart attack. He turns, only to be faced with Theo, who is stepping inside the room, after probably jumping on the roof. His face is tired, and there is something heavy in his eyes.

“Hey.”

Liam can’t answer. The lump is still there, and it feels like it’s not going anywhere.

Scott is gone.

Scratch that. Scott is dead. Death is final. There is no hope anymore. Scott is finally coming back to Beacon Hills, but he won’t walk the streets anymore. He won’t run in the forest with Liam anymore. There are so many things they did, that liam took for granted, and which, with just a phone call, ceased to exist.

Liam looks at Theo, who is still waiting by the window, like he expects Liam to break, or something. And then, Liam remembers that he is supposed to go to Melissa. 

“I…” He tries, before gulping some air. “I need… clothes. Black ?”

Theo nods curtly, and walks to the dressing. He shuffles some clothes around, before handing Liam a dark jean, and a plain black t-shirt.

“I’m coming with you.” He says, and Liam holds on to that idea like a lifeline.

* * *

They arrive in front of Melissa’s house a little before the sunrise. It’s been silent between them, and now, they are facing the door, Liam’s eyes focusing on the old knob. 

“What… What am I supposed to say ? To do ?”

He feels Theo taking a step, to be closer to him, but the chimera rarely intiates contact.

“We are supposed to wait for Chris. And Derek. Make sure she doesn’t leave the house.”

“How do you know that ?” Liam asks, in a small voice.

“Derek called me too.”

“Hmm.”

Liam sits on the porch, still looking at the front door.

“Does she know ?” He wonders. Theo mimicks his position, and he crosses his legs.

“They didn’t tell her yet, if that’s your question.”

“Do you think she will know ?” Liam can’t help but think she will. Mothers always know. That’s what he is sure of. “I feel like she will know.”

Theo doesnt answer, but he can feel his eyes on his face. Is he still expecting Liam to have a breakdown ? Because, sincerely, the only thing Liam feels is numb. He feels like he is a robot, on a mission, and he has closed the door to any feelings coming his way.

“I feel like she will know.” He repeats.

Theo leaves a few seconds of silence, before talking, his voice almost a whisper. “She is still sleeping. Can you hear her ? She doesn’t know yet.”

“I hope she sleeps for.. a long time.”

* * *

Melissa is still sleeping when Liam hears Derek’s car. 

Melissa is still sleeping when Chris knocks on her door.

Melissa will never sleep again. Not like that, Liam thinks, not so peacefuly, as he hears the awful screaming coming from inside the house. She keeps screaming, and pleading, and he hears the words Chris is whispering to her, but he is crying too. 

They have another thing in common, now. They are both orphaned parents.

* * *

Everyone comes back for the funeral. Kira, Ethan, Jackson, and even Isaac. Most of them spend their days at Melissa’s house, often in silence. People come, and people go. Melissa stays mainly in her room, and after the first few hours, her voice is gone from all the screaming, but Liam can’t help but breathe at the rhythm of her sob.

They all come to him, hugging him, and telling him to be strong. He almost wants to laugh at that. Strong ? Scott was strong. And he ended up dead, at the ripe age of nineteen. 

He will never get to be twenty, Liam thinks. It’s weird. Scott had always looked older than he was, wiser than his age. And now, maybe in a year, Liam will be older than he ever was. Scott will never get to be an adult, even if he had time to be a hero.

They try to take care of Melissa. There is always someone preparing food, or tea, but most of it is left untouched. It’s the first time Liam has seen the pack not finish their plates. And when they ask him if he is hungry, he ignores the pang of his stomach. “No.” He says. Because the pang is the only thing he is able to feel right now, and the only way to make sure he is still human. He doesn’t know where his emotions went, but maybe it’s a good thing he doesn’t feel them. He sees the days passing, people talking, and he doesn’t feel. It’s probably better that way.

He doesn’t know what tired is, anymore, so he lets Theo tell him when they are supposed to sleep. He accepts Theo’s offer of food, because the chimera is eating too, and Liam probably needs it, even if it means not feeling for a couple of hours. Everytime Melissa comes to the kitchen, her face red and swollen, he tries not to look at her.

Sometimes, he even wonders why he is here.

* * *

Theo helps him find a dress-shirt for the funeral. It’s black, just like he asked. David buys him pants, which do not exactly fit him, but it’s not like Liam care. He obeys when Theo tells him to take a shower. And then, he prepares himself for the funeral.

Everyone is wearing black. Well, almost everyone. Stiles appear in a white suit, dressed to the nine, just like he is about to go to a casino. It’s the first time Liam sees him since they have heard. His face is pale, paler than it has ever been, the only touch of color being his lips, which he can’t seem to stop nibbling.

“He made me promise. One night. He told me that… If something happened to him, he wanted me to wear white.”

They all nod, and some of them hug Stiles on their way to the church. Liam can’t stop looking at him, clashing with the overall dark crowd.

He never thought white could be sad before.

Stiles’s white suit looks like a beacon of light in the middle of the hurricane, which is probably what Scott wants. _Wanted._ Liam corrects himself. It’s still hard to use the past when talking about his alpha.

Yeah, Scott surely thought it would be fun to have his best friend wear white to his funeral. But he probably didn’t anticipate the way Stiles' shoulders are jaded, and the look in his eyes. Stiles doesn’t look like anything else but the lingering ghost of a human best friend.

* * *

The ceremony is packed. Which is exactly the term Liam should use, because it seems like every single pack Scott once helped sent at least their alpha, and their emissary. Liam recognize some of the faces, and it brings back memories of what already feels like another life. Scott leading them into battles, and being a legend. The True Alpha, they called him. The One, they whispered. The only one who could defeat Monroe. And now, they have all come to pay their respects.

The preacher talks about Scott, and about his life. It’s kind of peculiar, because he clearly knows nothing about the supernatural world, and he dresses the portrait of a small teenager who had a pretty normal life. “He loved to travel”, the pracher says, and Liam understands “He had to face Monroe’s army again and again”. “He had lots of friends'', the man states, and Liam thinks “He had a lot of allies”. “He will be missed”, the man of god whispers in the end, and Liam feels his stomach hurting again. Missed. Scott will be missed.

That’s such an understatement, that he almost feels like laughing. He will be missed. It’s such an usual phrase, something anyone would say about someone dying. This whole thing is not Scott’s funeral. It doesn’t sound like it. Liam feels almost better at that. 

But then, the preacher announces that Stiles is going to talk. The man in white walks slowly towards the coffin, and softly puts his right hand on it. Then, he walks to the mike. He has a small piece of paper, and he is shaking.

Stiles looks like a part of him died, and Liam stops breathing when he starts talking.

“One day, Scott and I were joking around about what our obituary would be, if we were to die tomorrow. We were just freshmen, and we had done nothing yet. He said that he would want to be remembered for something good, something great, but that being remembered was enough.”

Stiles breathes heavily, and then, he adresses the coffin.

“Scott. My friend. My man. My brother. You leave a legacy no one will be able to steal from you. Not only will you be remembered, people will talk about you, and your story for years, dozens of them. You’ve touched so many lives, and saved so many people. But more than that, you brought joy to those who loved you, and you loved them right back. Even those who didn’t deserve it.”

Liam can feel someone elbowing him, and he looks at Theo, who mouths “Breathe.” He tries to do so.

“Scott, my man… I could talk about who you were for hours, but I think everyone here knows that you were the coolest, the awesomest, the bestest person in the world. You were my brother, man, and I don’t know what I am going to do without you. It’s not fair. It’s not right. But we’ll keep fighting, because that’s what you would have wanted.”

Then, Stiles’ eyes leave the coffin, and look for Melissa, who is as white as the piece of paper in Stiles’ hand. She is hooked to Chris, and her whole body is trying to contain the sobs. She is doing her best to stay dignified, in front of the packed church, and holds back the tears, but Liam can smell her despair from meters away.

“Man, I know you so well. I know exactly what you would have wanted, and it hurts, but I’ll do it.”

Still shaking, he looks at Derek, and then at the piece of paper in his hand. Whatever is written there has been thoroughly thought about. Stiles brings his right hand on his heart, and then, slowly says, “I pledge myself to your mother. I will always be there for her, helping her, supporting her, and loving her. I pledge myself to your legacy, and I will keep on fighting for your name. I pledge myself to every single person you could have helped, and promise to do my best to honor your memory. I pledge myself to you, Scott McCall.”

Stiles closes his eyes, his hand still on his heart. And then, slowly, carefully, some people start standing up, and whispering “I pledge”. With each second passing, more people are standing, and Liam looks around him, dumbfounded.

“I pledge.” He hears, next to him, and his neck snaps as he looks at Theo, who is now standing, eyes focused on Stiles.

Oh. That seems important. Liam springs from the bench, and mirrors Theo’s position. He thinks about everything Stiles has just said. Yes, obviously, he is going to keep fighting, and he will do his best but…

But he still feels like there is no need. Because Scott has this.

That’s when it finally hits him. With all those supernaturals, these emissiaries, and even a few pack humans. All looking at Stiles, and promising to keep fighting, to honor Scott’s memory. To give him a legacy. Because Scott had died before turning twenty. 

“... I pledge”, he says, as he feels his whole body shudder from the shock, and the absence becomes real. It feels like a hot iron in his veins, and especially around his heart. Scott is not there anymore. Scott is never going to be there again.

“I pledge.” He repeats, before the first tears start flooding his eyes, making his vision of Stiles blurry. ‘Oh, fuck…” He whispers, as he tries to contain a pang of nausea. “No…”.

He feels Theo’s arm around his waist, and without another thought, goes to hide his face in the chimera’s neck. 

* * *

It isn’t easy, surviving Scott. At first, it feels like everything Liam does was not meaningful enough. He wants to avenge his alpha, he wants to be the person who is going to replace what the world has lost. He works hard, training alone, and with the others. He offers himself for every mission, every task that he can do. He doesn’t sleep much, but it is for the best, because Scott seems to have the habit of visiting him in his dreams. “What did you do today, Liam ?” He usually asks, and as Liam tries to list everything he has worked on, Scott's face looks disappointed. “Not enough, Liam. Not enough.”

One day, he falls asleep at Theo’s loft, as he is reading a whole new report on the East America packs. He didn't mean to. But he has been so tired, and Theo’s couch is warm and comfy. Scott comes at him almost immediately, or so it feels. 

“Not enough…” He is saying. “Such a failure.”

And Liam wants to scream, to beg, to promise that he will do better, but the words won’t come out, and he is falling on his knees, choking himself with the words that will never be enough.

“Li… Li !”

Theo wakes him up. And at first, Liam feels bad about it, because he is blinking away the tears, and the sadness. He doesn’t anyone to know, or to see him like this. He needs to be strong. That’s what people expect of him. That’s what they say about him. How he has risen, how he is carrying on Scott’s legacy. His one and only beta. 

The pressure is tough. He doesn’t need anyone to know he isn’t even able to face his nightmares.

But Theo doesn’t speak about that. He doesn’t ask questions. He only offers Liam a small smile, and a plaid. “Do you want to sleep here ?”

Liam is about to refuse, and ready to leave the place, hoping Theo will never speak about it again, but he is interrrupted in his thoughts by Theo’s words, delivered in an unsure voice.

“I… I have nightmares too. Tara. Maybe… Maybe we could try to help each other ?”

Liam looks at him in silence. He notices the changes, small but still, that he hasn’t paid attention too. Theo had cut his hair, but it’s longer again, enough for him to roam one of his hands in it. His face is still sharp, but his eyes are full of doubts. 

“I don’t think…”

“Can we at least try ? I mean, you don’t sleep enough, that much is obvious. There is nothing wrong about trying, right ?”

Liam can find dozens of reasons why this does not make sense. He doesn’t want to wake Theo in the middle of the night, wolfing out as he opens his eyes. That’s a part of him that he keeps to himself, something more personal than any secret. But then, Theo is looking at him, and it seems like he already knows Liam is going to leave, and he might have hoped for the contrary, because his eyes are looking at the window.

“No one can know about this.” Liam finally says, as he takes the blanket, and stretches.

“You mean, us, sleeping together ?”

Liam can feel his cheeks warm up at the inuendo, but he wants to make sure Theo understands what he is talking about.

“Us sleeping together, and the nightmares. No one, Theo.”

“That’s fine with me. Don’t tell my secrets, and I won’t tell yours.”

Right. Because Theo has mentionned he is having nightmares too. Maybe, just like Liam, he doesn’t want people to know about them. “Let’s go to bed, then.” Liam offers, because he doesn’t feel like having a whole conversation with Theo when his brain is focused on the fact that he is going to show his weakest side. If they have to do this, then they should do it now. Theo smiles, a small smirk, and nods. “Alright. Let’s go.”

It feels strange, taking the shirt Theo offers him, and the sweatpants, and getting ready to go to sleep. Liam usually waits until his eyes can’t stay open anymore before diving into his bed. He hasn’t properly gone to sleep since… Since before Scott died. He doesn’t like the idea of laying, in the dark, with all these thoughts in his mind. The things he could be doing, the people he could be helping. He always ends up switching the light on again, and trying to do something else. Something more.

“Do you want me to leave a light on ?” Theo asks, and it should be a joke, but he actually looks at Liam with care. “Sometimes, I do.”

How does Theo do this ? Talking about his weaknesses, the ones he has hidden away from anyone until now ? Why does he do that, and especially, to Liam ? They are friends, even good friends. Theo is the only person in Liam’s life who knows what he has to face on a daily basis. There are things too gruesome to talk about with Mason, but Theo did not bat an eye when Liam told him he had beheaded a hunter with his own hands. He doesn’t judge, rarely comments, except when he has something witty to say. Theo is always there, around, and even when he has plans, Liam knows he will always answer his calls.

He doesn’t know exactly what they have, or what he should call it. It doesn’t matter. It’s late, and Theo is opening himself up, so Liam does the only thing he can do in such a situation. He sighs, and walks to the bed, getting himself under the comforter. “I don’t care about the light”, he whispers. It smells like Theo, which makes sense as it is his mattress, his sheets, and his pillows. There is no lingering smell of Liam’s sweat, which already makes it better than his own bed. The scent around him is comforting, because his body is atune to Theo, and considers him safe.

“Off it is, then.” Theo says, before switching the light, leaving both of them in the dark. There is some noise, coming from outside, and a body next to Liam, but he feels like he is finally hidden from anyone’s eyes. He focuses on Theo’s breathing, because it’s slow, and regular. In, and out. He does his best to keep thinking about it, because Theo is real, and Scott is not. 

He falls asleep, his hand holding one of the pillows, his face hidden in the conforter.

* * *

Their nights are actually pretty terrible. Between both of them having nightmares, and having to wake the other up, they usually get small spans of sleep, several times in the night. But even if he sleeps less, Liam feels kind of better. He isn’t alone anymore, there is always someone next to him when Scott screams _not enough._ Theo doesn’t judge, doesn’t comment. Sometimes, he asks Liam if he wants to talk about it, especially when the nightmares get so bad that Liam has to run to the bathroom to throw up. Liam never wants to touch the subject, he never wants to talk about Scott, so he usually ignores the question.

Theo doesn’t talk about his nightmares either. From what Liam has gathered from the pleading, and the crying, most of them are about his sister. And the first time he hears Theo say “It’s okay. You can take it back” in his sleep, he has to shake the feeling of guilt that takes over him. Chimera alpha Theo deserved his punishment. Liam knows what they did was right. At least he hopes so. But after-hell Theo doesn’t deserve the memories. 

After waking Theo up, they both stare at the ceiling, as the outside world is still sleeping. “It’s not fair.” Liam says, and he can hear Theo’s heart missing a beat. “Your nightmares. It’s not fair. You don’t deserve them anymore.”

And if it sounds like an absolution, then Liam doesn’t care. He feels Theo’s hand landing on his, and they stay like this, waiting for sleep to come back, linked by the smallest touch of their fingers.

* * *

  
  


Liam’s parents don’t ask questions about it. Obviously, he can’t sleep every night at Theo’s, and there are still some times they are not both at the same place at the same time, but they end up in the same bed more often than not. Liam has clothes at Theo’s now, and there is a full basket of Theo’s clothes in his room. Sometimes, he doesn’t even remember whose t-shirt he is wearing. He still tries to train a lot, volunteer for any mission, and Theo does the same. They usually don’t need to talk, and Liam likes that about them. Sometimes, when one of them is really shaken up, their hands find one another other, and their fingers end up laced together. Liam doesn’t want to think about it. It just feels right. They are pack animals, after all, so it makes sense that touch is good for them. And slowly, the whole skin on skin contact becomes something normal, usual. It feels good, and it’s free, so why would they try not to let themselves be ?

Gradually, Theo’s hands seem to always end up somewhere on Liam’s body. And Liam’s lips leave ghost kisses on Theo’s hair. They fall together, their hearts beating in sync. They don’t have much to live for, and they both have lost one of the most important people in their lives. They share the grief. They share these moments where no word is good enough, and the silence is screaming their pain. They hold each other through the long nights, and comfort one another when the nightmares do not seem to leave the room.

“I’m sorry.” Liam says, one time, after Theo wakes him up from one of those terrible dreams. He feels like he keeps having more and more of them, while Theo doesn’t seem so plagued anymore. “Maybe you should try sleeping alone. You could get a few hours of uninterrupetd sleep.”

“Bullshit.” Theo whispers, moving closer to him, his lips near Liam’s neck, and his arm holding him against his torso. “The only reason why I still sleep is you.”

“I’m serious Theo. Maybe you are getting over it. Maybe…”

“Shhhhh. Let’s get back to sleep”, Theo says, against his skin. 

Liam knows he should insist. That’s what a good person would do. That’s what Scott would do, even though the idea of Scott sleeping next to Theo is more funny than realistic. Then, after all, Liam never would have thought he’d end up cuddling the chimera. But sometimes, life is a bitch, and you only have your hand to deal with.

So, he doesn’t say anything. Because he knows, deeply, that Theo is the only reason he doesn’t panic at the idea of closing his eyes anymore.

* * *

Nobody says anything. Not even when Liam kisses Theo’s hand, before leaving for a mission. Not when Theo keeps Liam against his chest through a whole night of movies. Not even when their scents become so mixed that it’s hard to know which one of them was there.

“I’m glad.” Lydia says, one day. She is still thin, way too thin, because of her whole breakdown after Scott’s death. She is quietly drawing on a piece of paper, next to Liam, who is trying to plan his next chess move.

“Hm ?” The werewolf answers. 

“I said I’m glad. You found an anchor in the middle of the storm.”

Anchor. Liam can’t deny it. He is not that blind. He knows that, whatever relationship Theo and him have, it helps with the feelings, the loss of control, the long nights, and his powers. He can’t tell her, but he keeps a few of Theo’s hoodies around, in case the chimera has to leave for a mission, and Liam needs to focus, or evades the memories. Theo’s scent is enough, most of the time. But his touch is what makes Liam breathe again. Every single time their skins touch, it’s almost like Theo is draining the hurricane in Liam’s guts. It’s almost as magical as someone taking the pain.

Scratch that. It’s way more magical, because that pain, the one Theo takes away, is more awful than any physical pain Liam has ever experienced. He is just glad he has found a way to escape it, even though it means having, to casually keep Theo around. 

* * *

“Bed.” Theo says, his voice strained, as they enter his loft. Liam sends a quick text to his mother, before looking at the chimera, who still has blood on his clothes. “We should take a shower.” He says, but Theo looks at him between very heavy lids.”Let’s just get naked, and I’ll change the sheets tomorrow. I can’t deal with the idea of standing…” 

“Fine.” Liam says, because he knows exaxctly what Theo means. It had been a hard and nasty fight, and they had gotten so close, so many times… He is just grateful the both of them are still alive. And he wants to sleep, and to forget about his heart going crazy every single time Theo had been hit. He glances at the chimera, who is already taking his shirt off, eyes almost closed. So, they are doing this. Okay. Liam gets rid of his shirt, before getting out of his pants. He carries the bloodied clothes to the washing machine, and offers his hand to take Theo’s. Then, he leaves the socks too. Now, the both of them are only wearing their boxers, and they are about to sleep in the same bed, so it should feel weird, but it really doesnt.

All that Liam seems to be able to think is _More skin._ He wants to wrap himself around Theo, to dive into his scent and drown in it. He wants the warmth of his body, and the calming wave of his breathing. 

He just wants Theo.

* * *

The first time they kiss, it’s totally an accident. They are on Liam’s bed, and the laptop is placed between them, but their heads are still touching, because these days, it feels like Theo’s presence is the only thing keeping Liam complete. 

They are laughing at a joke, just as the audience is, and Theo looks at Liam in the same second Liam turns to tell him something, and because they are so close, their lips touch. They freeze, taken aback by the short but electrifying contact. Theo’s eyes are searching Liam's, and he knows these things can go both ways. He chooses the option to which he doesn’t lose Theo. 

He laughs.

“Oops ?”

Theo smiles at him, and shakes his head. “You already have me in your bed Dumbar. Say a word, and I’m yours.”

Liam raises his eyes, before laying back on the pillow, adjusting his head against Theo’s cheek. “I really don’t like that Rachel girl.”

There is a second of silence, before Theo breathes out. “Yeah, me neither.”

* * *

The thing is, once Liam starts kissing Theo, he doesn’t feel like stopping. He doesn’t kiss him on the lips, but he keeps losing himself in his mind, and finding himself pecking his cheek, or his hand. And Theo gives back every contact, every breath, and every kiss. It feels good, and it feels like them. It’s comforting, and when the world goes bad around him, Liam choses to hide in Theo’s arms. The first time, it feels odd, trying to snuggle against him, but Theo’s arms embrace him, and Liam decides that this, this is good. And after that, every single time he doesn’t want to face the horror, and the pain, he choses delibarately his safe haven.

Theo never reject him. Theo never mocks him about it. On the contrary, sometimes, he hugs Liam so hard that it almost hurts, like he is hungry for the feeling too. Sometimes, he opens his arms before Liam has time to even talk about how he feels. When Scott is everywhere around him, when he sees Melissa crying at the supermarket and he can’t find in himself the strengh to go to her, when Mason asks him what he wants to do after his year of leave… He just choses Theo’s arms, because it’s easier, and because it’s the only place he can breathe.

And they should probably talk about it. Most people would have, by now. But the longer it lasts, and the more casual it becomes, the harder it is to _talk._ Liam doesn’t even know what he would say. “Thank you for being there when I don’t feel like being in the same room as anyone else” ?

He feels like Theo knows. Just like he knows how Theo need contant reassurance that things are planned, and everything is okay. Theo fears the unknown, and he hates having to improvise. Not that he isn’t good at it. Liam guesses the trauma adds up, in the end, and they all have things they can’t deal with, after a while. Lydia is not really _there_ anymore, Malia spends most of her time in her coyote form, Stiles… Stiles spends his time planning, and trying to get to the bottom of what happened to Scott, and he gets irrationaly angry every single time things don’t go exactly the way he wants them. He is hard on Liam, always expecting him to show up and get the job done, whatever the circumstances, because that’s what Scott used to do. But Liam isn’t Scott, and he gets his ass beaten so many times that he starts to fear seing Stiles’ name on his phone.

“Don’t answer.” Theo mutters to him, one night, as his phone rings. Liam hates being woken up like this, because he can’t shake the memories of the night Scott died. “I have to.” He explains, trying to sound sure of himself. “It could be…”

“Don’t answer.”Theo repeats, kissing his free hand. “Whatever Stiles wants, he probably can wait until morning.”

“You don’t know that. Someone could be…”

“If he really needs you, he will call me. Liam. Please. Come back to bed.”

And Theo is right. Because if something happened, if someone is hurt, or in dire need of assistance, Stiles will probably call Theo to get to Liam. It’s not like they hide away, now. Most of the pack knows they spend most of their time together. They never said that they were sharing a bed, but Theo is always in his house, except when Liam is in the chimera’s loft. They have to know things have changed. 

So, for the first time since Scott’s death, Liam refuses the call. He puts the phone back on the bed table, and starts laying down again, only to be met by Theo’s body. Theo snuggles against him, making sure their limbs are entangled, and his lips are next to Liam’s face. There is some light, coming from outside, probably the street lamps, and Liam can’t help but look at the chimera. His hair is long again, and he looks tired, but mostly, he seems satisfied, breathing against him, his eyes closed. 

Slowly, Liam gets closer and closer, until their breaths become one, and Theo opens slightly his eyes.

“Hmm ?”

Liam does not answer. Instead, he kisses Theo, chaste, and quick. The electricity is still there, in that second, but it’s also exactly how it feels every time he falls into his arms. Right. Comfortable. Exactly where he is supposed to be.

“Thank you.” He whispers, before closing his own eyes. He doesn’t see the look on Theo’s face, doesn’t see the way his eyes shine. There is no answer, none spoken, at least, but Liam can feel the ghost of the kiss on his lips, and he is pretty sure he would lose his mind if Theo wasn’t there. 

* * *

  
  


“This is not healthy, Liam.” Stiles says, one day, after Theo leaves. He has just witnessed Theo kissing Liam’s bare shoulder, with a smile. “How much time do you spend with the guy ?”

“Why does it matter to you ?” Liam asks back, because there is no way he is going to admit he spends most of his days with the chimera. Not to Stiles.

“It matters if it means your mind is not focused on the situation.”

“I’m always focused.” Liam bites back. “I’m always there, Stiles. Fighting. Doing whatever you think is right. It’s not fair of you to judge how I have to deal with the consequences of that.”

Liam remembers when Stiles used to be _innocent_. At least, enough to smile, and joke around. He feels like that side of Stiles died with Scott. Now, the human is just a war machine, ready to take on battle after battle, and expecting everyone to do the same.

“The consequences ?” Stiles asks, tense. “What consequences Liam ?”

And Liam wants to pretend he doesn’t know the answer to that, that he spoke too fast, or without thinking, but he knows, deep down, that Stiles is part of his problem. The both of them can’t let go of Scott’s memory, and it’s starting to ruin them.

Well, Liam feels ruined enough right now.

“You have no idea how this feels.” He says to Stiles, and he is surprised to hear his voice sounding like a snarl. “You are not there, after shit goes down. You go on to your next idea. Theo is the one who has to make me whole again. Theo is the one who has to make sure I don’t drown. Theo… You have no idea, and you have no rights to judge. You don’t know anything.”

“I lost my best friend.” Stiles says, pointing at Liam’s chest, and his voice sounds broken. “Scott was supposed to be with me until we were old, and grey, and we would mock Derek endlessly and… And so many things and now he is gone, and it just feels like I can’t breathe and…” 

Stiles is crying. Stiles is finally letting his emotions show, and even if Liam is angry, he feels like it’s a step in the right direction. They have spent too long ignoring the elephant in the room. Whatever they do, whatever their successes are, it will never be enough.

_You will never be enough._ Scott said.

“Go home.” Liam finally says, his voice softer. “Go to Lydia. Spend some time there. This war… It took Scott. And I’m starting to wonder if it’s not killing the both of us too. One day at a time.”

Stiles doesn’t answer, and there are still tears on his cheeks when he leaves Liam’s house. Maybe, months ago, he would have been able to help. To make Stiles feel better. He would have tried to find the words, tried to help him make sense of things. But he doesn’t. Because he isn’t Scott’s beta anymore. He is just a kid, who had to grow old too fast, and who is kept together by a small thread. He doesn’t have the patience anymore, he doesn’t have the strengh either. Every single breath is harder than the last, and he has to fight his own battles before being able to help anybody else.

The door opens, and Theo is back in the room. “I was about to leave, but I saw Stiles’ car…”

“Yeah. We agreed we need to take a break.”

Liam doesn’t look at Theo, because he knows that the chimera heard the half-lie. He also knows that Theo won’t push the subject, because he never tries to make Liam tell him things. And he is right, because Theo only hums, before sitting on the sofa, and taking one of the remotes.

“What about a movie ?”

Liam finally looks at him, and the responsabilities overshadow him again.

“I should probably look at the map Peter sent us.”

“Yeah, probably.” Theo says, but he opens the Netflix application on the screen. “They just added Rupaul Drag Race to the catalogue.”

“A show about cars ?” Liam asks, arching an eyebrow, and he is met with a small, honest laugh from Theo who moves enough to leave a small space between his legs. He pats the sofa. “Come on. One episode won’t ruin your day. And it’s really not about cars.”

Liam should probably hesitate. Weeks, or maybe days ago, he would have said no. But Stiles just left, it feels like they are in the middle of a pourparler, and he wants to think about anything else but the plans. He walks to Theo, and takes the offered space against him, even though there is room enough for the both of them to sit alone. Theo doesn’t miss a beat, opening the first episode of the TV-show, while bringing Liam closer to his chest. He kisses his cheek, and Liam slowly slips in a state of peace that is the best drug he had ever tried.

He doesn’t want to think about the next time he will talk to Stiles. Because there is a chance, or a risk, that Stiles will finally give up, and Liam doesn’t know who he is if he isn’t fighting. But he forces himself not to go there yet. He focuses on the TV, and on the characters of the show. Theo was right, it has nothing to do with cars. And Liam loves it, because, for a few minutes, he is able to escape reality, escape Beacon Hills, and just imagine what it must feel like to be normal.

* * *

Stiles takes his time, and Liam is left waiting for information, or orders. He doesn’t like it, because he doesn't know what is he supposed to do. Sometimes, he wakes up, and looks out the window, waiting for something, anything to happen.

He thought fighting was hard. Well, waiting is harder.

He is thankful for Theo, who spends his days trying to show him how many things he could try. The chimera brings books, and they read silently, the stories helping Liam escape his own mind. They fill the void, spending hours walking in Beacon Hills. In the beginning, Liam is always ready, looking around, like he is patrolling, but Theo shows him that there are other things to pay attention too. Liam doesn’t understand how some people can spend days looking at the lake, but he likes the forest enough. Theo talks sometimes, about the smells of the trees, the difference in the winds, and the way it feels to walk on wet grass. Liam never tells him how much he likes it, how he knows he wouldn’t be able to go on without him.

And the worst thing is that Liam feels like he has nothing to give in return. Theo is always there, always helping him, and Liam can’t find in himself to do the same. He tries his best, tries to get better, but to no avail. The only way he knows how to express his gratitude is by his smiles, his touch, and his kisses. He hopes Theo understands. He is pretty sure he does, because Theo always knows. 

* * *

Theo becomes Liam’s world, like a planet changing its axe. It doesn’t happen in a day, or in a week, but he just knows. And it should be scary, living for someone else, but it’s the only thing that seems to help, and Liam tries to stay afloat. He feels himself falling deeper and deeper in Theo’s world, but he doesn’t have the ability to care. 

“I just… I just fucking love you.” He says to the chimera, one day, as they are laying in his bed, waiting for sleep to wash over them. He hears Theo’s heart missing a beat, but the answer he receives is clear, and sure.

“I love you too.” Theo says, like it’s as simple as saying hello.

Things are so simple with Theo. Liam almost forgets things are not supposed to go his way.

* * *

Liam wakes up, alone, in the middle of the night. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even try to switch the light on. He stares at the ceiling, and tries to count the days Theo gave him. It’s easy. It’s been a hundred and sixty four days since Scott’s death. One hundred and sixty four days that Theo offered him, like something he wasn’t supposed to have. For half a year, he _felt._ For half a year, he _lived._

And now, he feels himself slowly slipping away. The pain, and the anger leave first, and he is glad for that, because for a few seconds, there is only the love he feels for that boy. The comfort he found in him. One hundred and sixty four days. The number seems high, and, as Liam had to live through all of these days, it felt like a lot, but right now, he wants to say how ridiculous it is. He feels himself dissolve in the small room. Theo’s scent becomes less and less present, as each of Liam’s sense chooses to simply give up. It’s a defense mechanism. The best he has. The same that he tried to use after Scott’s death. But Theo had broken through, Theo had made him feel again. 

And now, Liam is leaving the human swirl of emotions behind. Still looking at the ceiling, he closes his eyes, and smiles. He wants to thank Theo, wants to tell him how he is grateful for the days he has been able to offer his mother. She had her son for half a year more. That counts.

He prepares his answer. He tries to find the words he will say when he will take the call he knows will soon fill this room up. It’s okay, he tells himself. He is ready. It’s not that he has chosen this, but he has been ready for awhile. And as he sits himself on the old comforter, thinking about what the next days will bring, he knows he will be _fine._ Time, pain, and loss have done their jobs. Liam is ruined, and it’s almost peaceful now that he doesn't have to fight anymore.

As he expects the ringtone, Liam feels himself becoming a ghost, a carcass denued of any emotion.

At the same instant, Liam’s phone starts rigging, just like it did a hundred and sixty four days ago, and the thether he had to humanity ceases to exist. It’s for the better, in a way. It’s probably the only way he can survive this. He can’t smell anything, can’t feel anything and his mind starts blocking the memories, making sure his heart won’t give up. It’s a cold new world, but one that welcomes Liam with open arms.

He just hopes that Theo will come visit his dreams sometimes. Then, Scott and him can tell Liam how much of a screw up he is. Not that it will really matter to him anymore. 

Liam sighs, and takes the phone. It’s Derek’s number. Liam, the werewolf beta has ceased to exist. Liam, Theo’s love, has left. Now, there is only Liam, rogue omega who left his heart behind.

It’s peaceful, he thinks again. He feels almost blessed for that.

He clicks on the green sign, and before the other werewolf has any time to say anything, Liam says, his voice numbed, his tone heavy, already feeling his new identity becoming him.

“I know, Derek. I felt it.” There is a silence on the other side of the line, and Liam continues, his mind still wandering far away from reality. “When are you bringing back Theo’s body ?”

He is going to need that black shirt again.

  
  



End file.
